Marketers Studio - David Berkowitz's Marketing Blog

Searching For Number One

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When you have to go on the go, where do you go? Yes, even the vertical of toilet search engines is rife with competition.

There may be some kinds of searches that are more critical, like when you have an emergency need for a plumber or a proctologist. But on that curve of searches that are both critical to your well-being and likely to arise in an average month, the need for a good bathroom search engine hits that sweet spot; parents with young children will find such engines especially useful.  It's time to seek out the No. 1 bathroom search engine, even when you really need number two.

Divorcing Ms. P

MizPee, the first such engine I heard of, works for San Francisco, Los Angeles, or Manhattan. I had used it once before successfully, but when I tried my home intersection (28^th St and 3^rd Ave) or ZIP code from my Samsung Omnia, it couldn't locate me. It worked better when I entered my building number, though the first location that came up was a children's barbershop, which I'd probably avoid, especially since I don't have kids. The barber's bathroom was rated five rolls of toilet paper, but it was from a single anonymous rating, and I wasn't sure how many rolls could be awarded. Could the owner have tried to game the system? To make matters worse, the first Starbucks it listed didn't exist, the map didn't work even for the wrong address, and there is one closer than it indicated (I should know; I live above one). Rating: 2 squares out of 5. 

Bling for your Bottom

When entering my ZIP code on "premier toilet search engine" Diaroogle, the results were generally five blocks from me, which won't help in case of an emergency. But if you know your ZIP code, you're probably near home or work and have easy access to facilities. Diaroogle fared much better when searching by address, bringing up the first listing for a bar across the street, with a description that included so much detail it noted high quality toilets are downstairs, as opposed to the more pedestrian ground-level stalls. Another plus: very clear Google maps. The site did miss quite a few other restrooms nearby.  Then again, the descriptions for some locations are so good, they make great bathroom reading material. Consider another bar described as "about as charming as TGI Fridays... in West Virginia." An iPhone app is also available. Rating: 3.5 squares.

Short a Potty

Safe2Pee.org says it's in beta and means it. This site isn't yet ready for mobile, or for mass usage. In all of New York, it has 35 listings, disproportionately in the West Village. Rating: Half a square. I considered another half but it stuck to my shoe.

Vortegh e Zugarane?

What about word of mouth? I downloaded the Where's the Bathroom iPhone app that will play a recording of the phrase "Where's the bathroom?" in sixteen languages. Some of the world's most spoken languages are missing, so you won't have any luck learning the question in Hindi, Bengali, or Japanese. But if you happen to run into some Armenians or Mongolians and want a polite way to excuse yourself, this app will serve you well for a mere 99 cents. Rating: 1.5 squares.

Please Don't Squeeze the App

Where's the Bathroom was one of the four apps that came up in a search for "bathroom" in the iPhone store; the other three were for bathroom diversions so you could have something to do when you got there. I had read about another app sponsored by Charmin, but it wasn't coming up under the brand name or "bathroom." I did find it by searching for "sit," which led me to SitOrSquat.

The Charmin app asked me to register, but I'd imagine that wouldn't be my first priority if I was accessing such an app in a time of need. I skipped that and it brought up a number of bathrooms within a block or two, noting for quite a number of them which ones were open, with pictures for the vast majority. A separate option listed bathrooms with changing tables (the nearest one was a bookstore a few blocks away whose bathroom was rated two stars for being "surprisingly unclean"). There weren't many ratings ye,  but I'd easily go with this. You can also find it at SitorSquat.com. Rating: 4.5 squares.

Goo Doo, 'Hoo Doo

So what about the major search engines? Trying the mobile versions of Google and Yahoo, all I get are home renovation and real estate sites. Rating: 0 squares. When you've got to go, go to a specialist.

Swag Watch at iMedia Breakthrough Continues

I have one last bit of housekeeping to do at iMedia Breakthrough: The Day 2 Swag Watch, following the previous day’s swag roundup.

Here are a few other goodies:

Adobe provided this USB drive to show how its new partnership with Gigya is the “silver bullet.” The problem for me is that I’m the son of a gastroenterologist, and this swag reminds me of some of the stuff my dad used to get at his trade shows. If you don’t know what I’m referring to, I promise you that’s for the better (if you come by my office though, I’ll show you my EneMan calendar).

Myxer also gave out USB drives – the guitars are awesome. The only downside: the drive is wide so you can’t have it right next to something else that’s plugged in. Then again, if you’re on a PC like me, having two USB drives plugged in at the same time will probably make your computer explode.

I had to check the USB drives now that I had three, including Tremor Media’s from the first day (more of a standard issue fob – but also the smallest, which is a plus). Here’s the size comparison:

Adobe: 500 MB

Tremor: 1 GB

Myxer: 2 GB

So, Myxer wins in design and size. Adobe comes in last for both size and unwanted associations. Better luck next year.

 

As for the rest:

Navteq offered lunch in these environmentally friendly bags, unless you throw them out, at which point they will kill dolphins and puppies. Please don’t throw them out. As I now walk to work, I may actually get some use out of this.

Viezon has a mug. It came in a mesh bag. If you have a favorite mug on your desk but it’s not red enough, this is the perfect erplacement.

comScore provided these lightweight and comfy jackets. Some people probably can use them here as it gets cool at night. For an article of clothing, it’s also surprisingly non-ugly. It’s so non-ugly that I decided to model it below, but I clearly didn’t know how to take a picture of myself modeling it, and that’s why I’m somewhat perplexed and off-kilter here. I don’t want you to confuse my confusion for any perceived dissatisfaction with the comScore brand.

 

As much as I jest, thank you to all of the sponsors for making the iMedia Breakthrough event possible. My opinions of your swag do not reflect my opinions of your brand. Your brands are all the best. Even those that now provide me with unexpected gastrointestinal associations.

 

Technorati Tags: swag,conferences,events,imediasummit,imedia,imedia breakthrough

Swag Watch at iMedia Breakthrough

One of the most anticipated moments of iMedia Breakthrough is returning to your room and finding out what swag you get (if you’re on the buy side). Well, I’m buying, so I’m swagging. Let’s look what’s here:

The first thing I see is a cupcake box. That’s the first thing I open. I hope they’re not stale – they’re not (though after all the buffet food at dinner, I can’t eat all four and not sure how long they’ll last). They’re from Collective Media. I tweeted about this. Adam Broitman didn’t think it was such a good idea though.

Here’s a group photo of some of the more standard swag. Okay, Nokia, I haven’t actually gotten these laptop cases before, but it doesn’t fit my laptop, so we’re even. Admob wins with the best branding for its t-shirt. AudienceSource has a notebook, as does Pontiflex. Tremor Media has the USB I think, but it’s so tiny it doesn’t photograph well. Not your fault. I promise I won’t leave it in my hotel room.

 

Here’s some miscellaneious stuff. Pick-up sticks. Ugliest iPhone case ever (sorry, Greystripe… I am leaving that in my hotel room). I was so tired when I took the pictures I left a plastic bag obscuring some other stuff. The vodka is from Expedia Media (it rhymes!) and it also has a box of lemonade because there’s some cocktail it’s trying to name – the Big Yellow Airplane or something. I’m writing this from the conference while Shelly Palmer is speaking (I’ve heard him a few times before, it’s okay) so I don’t have the cocktail on me. Maybe I should.

 

PointRoll has a survival kit. Yay, I will sruvive iMedia. But I’m never wearing that eye mask. Sorry. I’ll just use Expedia’s vodka instead.

There were also random papers, contest entries, and other stuff. Babelgum gave a gift card. I don’t know for how much but I hope it’s for a lot. Then this morning I also got a $10 iTunes gift card from Meebo (not in picture). And I got a second one because I sat next to a Meebo guy and he couldn’t take his own swag. That’s very nice of him. For $20, Meebo gets a somewhat paid placement here.

Technorati Tags: imediasummit,imedia,swag,conferences,fun

What's a Twinkie in the Context of the Skittles Conversation?

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I need to open up this crucial question as I received some conflicting information in response to my recent column on Why Skittles Killed Its Website. I included this seemingly innocuous aside:

Other posts were nonsensical or irrelevant [to the Skittles brand], such as when an Ohio man named Nathan wrote, "Funny. Skittles was the name of the twinkie that was hitting on me Saturday night (because I was in the kilt)."

I had a couple readers respond to this one. One said, "Not so nonsensical to me" and included a link to Wikipedia describing a Twink or Twinkie as "a gay slang term describing a young or young-looking gay man (usually in his late teens or early twenties) with a slender build, little or no body hair, and no facial hair."

Another linked to an UrbanDictionary page which predominantly includes definitions such as this one:

An asian person who is either adopted or living in a white community. Hence, yellow on the outside and white on the inside.

I happened to have a Chinese American friend in college who only had white friends and called himself a banana for the same reason. I guess that's good to be healthier than a Twinkie.

I know your expertise may be more about marketing than derogatory slang (though this is one heck of a case of a brand hijack). Still, I'd love to take a straw poll: what's your preferred slang definition of a Twinkie? I included a few other options, and feel free to add your own.

Funny Video on the Digital TV Transition - Obama May Have to Delay It a Little Longer...

One other highlight of the Strategy Research event that I blogged about earlier was when they played this video on the Digital TV transition. Watching this may be the best two minutes of your day (yes, better than the time you spend on my presentation). Turn up the volume (and the volume on your hearing aid) and enjoy.

Subway Sounds: 6 Train Subway Rant

Image by kalyan3 via FlickrA little Friday slice of life...

This morning I got on the 6 train at East 86th Street that runs from the Bronx through Harlem down the east side of Manhattan until Brooklyn Bridge/City Hall; it should have been just another eight-stop commute to work.

When I got on, a 50-something woman was arguing with an older man, with her originally telling him things like "You are not God!" and "Obama is my president!" I didn't get it, and still don't.

My first instinct: Should I get off the train?

That was quickly replaced by my second instinct: No way!

And then my third instinct kicked in: I have to record this.

Fortunately I had a Pulse Smartpen from Livescribe on me. I was able to record five minutes of her rant, and the guy comes in if you turn the volume up. Midway through, there's a burst of laughter. The woman narrates it, and she's not exaggerating -- his teeth really did fall out.

Note this is audio only, and this is not safe for work if your workplace frowns on lots of profanity. Rated a strong PG-13.

You can play the subway rant here.

Birthday Greetings by Channel: Facebook Surges Ahead in 2008

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Last year, I took an analytical approach to my birthday - hardly surprising to those who know me. When I learned in first grade how to take surveys and make tally marks, I did a poll around school of preferences for Doritos, Fritos, or Cheetos (Doritos won handily).

This year, two birthday well-wishers mentioned they were eager to see how things would track for 2008 chart. Given the anticipation, and my own curiosity, I kept better track of the metrics. Nothing makes for birthday fun than opening up a spreadsheet whenever someone says happy birthday to you.

Here are a few observations about this year's birthday greetings:

• Facebook well surpassed in-person greetings this year. Even with birthday drinks with friends, celebrating the day in the office, and a family lunch on Sunday. Some other personal greetings came the night before my birthday, which was coincidentally the party for 360i's tenth birthday (see the MediaPost coverage and Kelly Samardak's Flickr photos).
• Facebook does so well feeding on itself. Someone wishes me happy birthday, it appears on my wall. That action may show up in their friends' news feeds. I'll then write on their walls to thank them (or I might do so via Facebook email), and then anyone who visits those walls will see the exchange. Of course, the biggest driver is the prominent space on the homepage Facebook provides to alert people of their friends' birthdays. Then there are apps like Birthday Calendar that provide other notifications.
• Dropping off the list from last year: MySpace and Friendster. My network has fully migrated.  Also, no Skype this time, but I don't keep it open as much.
• New to the list: Twitter, with four mentions (first one, thanks @andrewnevelos, and then a quick burst of a few, @danperry, @worleygirl, and @gregory - thanks all around there too). Also, I received my first note on geneaology service Geni (thanks Aunt Aida).
• Not yet on the list: LinkedIn wasn't used for birthday greetings at all, nor was FriendFeed.
• I kept a few new tallies - including greetings from:
  • People I kind of know: 4
  • People I can't remember how I know: 7
  • People I know but am kind of embarrassed to be friends with or don't like very much: 3
• Time zones also played a fun role:
  • Ryan Govindan in India was the first to wish me happy birthday on my actual birthday; it was only 2:30pm in New York but my birthday was underway then.
  • My brother emailed me happy birthday while on business in China. Yet at the time, it was his birthday (I'm eight years, 364 days his junior). 
• Marketers to send birthday greetings this year included Michael C. Fina (like last year, with a 15% coupon for the month), Borders (with a 15% coupon for the day), Facebook (just on the site), Eons (wow, I must be getting old), and this themed cruise outfit in Atlanta called Sixthman that I hadn't heard of before.

And now, this year's chart. The one channel I included was in-person, which was much harder to track; again, Facebook still would have come out on top.

Not ALL White Baby Routans Look Alike

At the invite of Oddcast's ever-diligent PR team, I tried out their Routan Babymaker3000 they built for Volkswagen. Check their example of what Sarah Palin and Barack Obama's baby would look like - that's one cute little bugger.

I took a stab at it myself, creating a Routan Baby with my wife:

I sent it to a friend Here's what happened when he tried it with his wife:

Either my friend and I and our wives are genetic clones, or something's off here. So, Routan, do all white people look alike?

A few days later I gave it one more go - this time with me as the dad, and Johnny Depp's Sweeney Todd as the mother. My gene pool does have the potential for some diversity after all:

Meet Joe the Plumber

With all the talk about Joe the Plumber in the third presidential debate, I had to check if JoeThePlumber.com was taken.

Unfortunately, someone already had it. But at Joe's site, you do get a peek at what he looks like. Here you go:

Facebook's Jewdar Strikes Again

I can't avoid it. Facebook's Jewdar is too damn strong. Maybe I should give up and put my religion on my profile already, and then drape my profile in an Israeli flag. Once again, I'm getting pinned as Jewish there.

See the ad below. I already reached out to them to find out more.

Update: I sent a lengthy note asking the proprietors of NYCHighHolidays.com about their ad targeting, and they sent me this one-word response: "random." I'm assuming that refers to their ad targeting, and not the nature of my question. They probably get a lot of random questions, like if you can bring Pomeranians to services, and where to get good deals on lox for break-the-fast dinner.

I really would like to see someone try a little bit harder to ferret out the Jews. Maybe soon you'll be able to target fans of The Great Schlep - but then again, all my black friends who've mentioned it to me like it as much as any Jews I know (and a couple of the racist Jews I know don't find it funny at all).

Related posts:

• How Does Facebook Know I'm Jewish?
• The Chutzpah of Facebook's Jewdar
• Facebook's Jewdar Blackout